Friends

I think I should really call one of my friends and you know...talk to them. But every time I honestly think about it, I get scared. I don't know why. I suspect it is a subconcious fear that one day they just won't want to talk to me anymore.

I haven't deliberately seen or talked to anyone who is not related to me in at least two weeks. This strikes me as bad because I've not been busy. I spend all day decorating my dolls house (I'm a miniaturist. This is a craft, not a religion) and watch TV in the evenings. Scrubs, mostly. I wish the Scrubs characters (JD, Turk, Elliot and Carla) were my best friends. I would totally fit in with them. But I could never be a doctor, unfortunately. I have this faint-at-the-thought-of-blood problem.

So as much as I think I should talk to someone real, I am quite content spending all day with JD and co. What is wrong with me? Why do I break out in a cold sweat at the thought of calling someone. Grrr. This always happens to me.

I also find that a completely parasocial existence (as mine has almost entirely been lately) is a good deal more peaceful that a proper social life HOWEVER by god it's not nearly as heady and exhilerating. Which would you rather? Peace and no problems bigger than wondering in which room to put the georgian skirting, or a boatload more drama but the possibility of heightened experiences. This is, in essence, the crux of the parasocial relationship. The experiences are never as intense.

Except sometimes with Buffy. I'll get onto that next time.