I am seriously considereing deleting my Facbook account. I thought it would be great for Uni, people assured me it would but I'm not so convinved anymore. For starters, I use it 90% of the time to talk to my best friend. 1 person (but alot of times). I have two or three times chatted with a guy in my Contracts class. 2 people. Twice I organised a study session using the message function. 4 people. Two catch ups. 6 people, we're up to now. And then I've had various conversations with people over message and comments, maybe ten people, so that makes a grand total of 16 people that I have actually connected with over facebook, and not just liked their status or stalked them.
Actually there was that argument about gay rights I had that time. It was unpleasant but still connecting. So 18 people.
18 people in six months
Average of three per month
I have 112 facebook friends.
So 94 of my 'friends' are in fact just a number in my friend count. They are random stuff that shows up in my news feed. The news feed stuffs not even good! All statuses about what people are 'keen' for (anything from the weekend to eating cheesecake. Fascinating.) or ones that start 'That awkward moment when...' when the story isn't an awkward moment. Get an original thought, people.
I don't hate the news feed. I have several facebook friends who post absolute gold statuses every time; I will sometimes go back months on their wall reading their statuses (Is that stalking?). But you have to wade through so much crap in the news feed to find this stuff. I often think, as I log onto facebook for the fifth time in one day: "What am I doing? What does this accomplish? Why do I even care?"
On the flipside though, you remember my best friend from High School who got into a different University and we were cruelly wrench apart? Well Facebook does help our relationship ALOT. I didn't see her for 25 days straight, but we talked so much via text, email and facebook that I didn't register this until day 22. I don't know if I could get rid of facebook if it meant I'd lose that extra connection.
So only practical solution: delete my 94-odd deadbeat facebook friends. And that doesn't seem rude at all! In all honesty I don't think I'd unfriend that many but it might be time for a spring clean. I don't want to be just a number in someone's friend count, I want people who really care. I want friends who are there for me, on and off Facebook. And I've found plenty of these real friends throughout Primary, High and now Law School. The rest of the numbers in my friend count can shove off until they're actually prepared to invest something in our friendship other than accepting a friend request.
From now on I'm going to drastically change my facebook attitude. If you don't do the time off facebook, you don't get it on facebook. It might take me a while to get the courage to implement this, but I'm going to try.
In other news, my hair is red now. Let's just say I take dressing up as a Weasley very seriously. Red hair really suits me, I've found but I have to not wear red or pink until the colour's gone (it's semi-permanent, 28 washes). Red looked amazing on me when I was light brown-haired, but not so much now.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Ellen Page's Warning (My Parasocial Dream-Heartbreak)
Life gets a bit depressing when even my dreams stray into parasocial-relating territory. I'm not talking about dreaming of hanging out with Buffy. I love those dreams. I had a dream about a real person that was so realistic it could have been real, except it wasn't. Does that make sense?
It was a beautiful day, in my dream. I could feel the warm sun on my face, see the blue sky arching over me and the rather impressive buildings that surround my law school. Normally in my dreams places are altered so that even in the dream you kind of know that it's not real. Not this one. Just this once my mind recreated my everyday surroundings immaculately. I had finished my lecture and was whiling away some time in the mall. I ran into my current romantic interest, my THAT person from posts gone by. Lets call them Tayler for shorthand. So Tayler and I met in the mall and the unusual thing about this dream was it in no way went the route of wishful thinking. It was completely realistic to my real interactions with Tayler.
This meant that instead of remarkably quickly declaring undying love for each other, we chatted. We went to a cafe that actually exists in real life and we talked. I felt just like I do when I'm with Tayler in real life. In the end it did go into a little bit of wishful thinking. The conversation turned to relationships and the conversation got a bit flirty and involved some prolonged-eye-contact moments. But it was so believable.
In Inception, Cobb warns Ellen Page's character to never make dream worlds out of places you actually know, because you might not be able to tell what's real anymore. He was very, very right.
When I woke up, it didn't feel like: "That was a nice dream but yeah, right, like that's ever going to really happen." It wasn't even: "Wow, how realistic was that."
It was massive happiness for a short-but-definetely-awake period, that my dreams had come true. And then this odd feeling that something didn't feel right, that I hadn't even been in the city yesterday. 'When was that again?' I thought. 'It couldn't have been a dream. It wasn't...oh my god it was a dream.' It was like a kick in the stomach. I had to remember that Tayler is seeing someone and that it is highly improbable that my feelings will ever be returned.
So in the end it was just hyper-wish-fulfillment. I guess I want this so badly I couldn't even dream it in any way that would seem like it couldn't happen.
Or maybe I was being Incepted. Maybe Leonardo Dicaprio and Ellen Page put electrodes on my head and while my dream self was flirting over coffee with Tayler they implanted an idea so deep in my mind that right now it is growing, shaping my future, and I don't even know that I didn't think of it.
I prefer the second explanation. At least it involves Ellen Page. Who doesn't love Ellen Page?
It was a beautiful day, in my dream. I could feel the warm sun on my face, see the blue sky arching over me and the rather impressive buildings that surround my law school. Normally in my dreams places are altered so that even in the dream you kind of know that it's not real. Not this one. Just this once my mind recreated my everyday surroundings immaculately. I had finished my lecture and was whiling away some time in the mall. I ran into my current romantic interest, my THAT person from posts gone by. Lets call them Tayler for shorthand. So Tayler and I met in the mall and the unusual thing about this dream was it in no way went the route of wishful thinking. It was completely realistic to my real interactions with Tayler.
This meant that instead of remarkably quickly declaring undying love for each other, we chatted. We went to a cafe that actually exists in real life and we talked. I felt just like I do when I'm with Tayler in real life. In the end it did go into a little bit of wishful thinking. The conversation turned to relationships and the conversation got a bit flirty and involved some prolonged-eye-contact moments. But it was so believable.
In Inception, Cobb warns Ellen Page's character to never make dream worlds out of places you actually know, because you might not be able to tell what's real anymore. He was very, very right.
When I woke up, it didn't feel like: "That was a nice dream but yeah, right, like that's ever going to really happen." It wasn't even: "Wow, how realistic was that."
It was massive happiness for a short-but-definetely-awake period, that my dreams had come true. And then this odd feeling that something didn't feel right, that I hadn't even been in the city yesterday. 'When was that again?' I thought. 'It couldn't have been a dream. It wasn't...oh my god it was a dream.' It was like a kick in the stomach. I had to remember that Tayler is seeing someone and that it is highly improbable that my feelings will ever be returned.
So in the end it was just hyper-wish-fulfillment. I guess I want this so badly I couldn't even dream it in any way that would seem like it couldn't happen.
Or maybe I was being Incepted. Maybe Leonardo Dicaprio and Ellen Page put electrodes on my head and while my dream self was flirting over coffee with Tayler they implanted an idea so deep in my mind that right now it is growing, shaping my future, and I don't even know that I didn't think of it.
I prefer the second explanation. At least it involves Ellen Page. Who doesn't love Ellen Page?
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Case Study: High School Crushes
Okay, here's the big question. I want to know why in all hell I fall for the people I do. What is the connection, what is the appeal? So here it is: a profile of the major people I've had romantic feelings for, organised by which Year level I was in. Let's case study and try to work out the whys of it.
Primary School (Year 4-7): Good at everything. Very popular. Self-assured and kind of mean. Truly delightful when not trying to impress friends. Brunette. Atheist. Undisputedly good-looking
Year 9: Total drop-kick. No ambition or concentration. Little intelligence. Not very good looking either. Looked a little like a toad. Very mildly bad-boy. Told very bad jokes and was in general a distracting person. Atheist. Sandy Brown hair.
Year 10: Christian. Particularly into marriage. Moody, serious. Not big on communication. Very good dresser. Glasses. Blonde. Very sweet, very gentlemanly but with potential for great tactlessness.
Year 11: Incredibly Smart. Nerdy. Glasses. Brunette. Heavy thinker. Not incredibly perceptive but really, really kind. Christian.
Year 12: Sandy Blonde. Funny, great sense of humour. Very committed Christian. Amazing singing voice, calming presence. Sweet but VERY stubborn. Glasses.
Currently: Atheist. Blonde. European descent (read: REALLY good-looking). Fearless, friendly, sexy. Juvenile and kind of a people-pleaser.
The only pattern so far is there were more blondes. Great. I have a blonde fetish. Not helpful because I already knew that. I'll have to think deeper.
I notice that, apart from year 9, they all have really big, bold personalities. And, this time excepting Year 12 all were very sure of themselves to cover up for deep insecurities. So maybe I have a 'saving-people thing' like Harry Potter. Of course deep insecurities covers pretty much anyone in High School so there's not much of an insight there. There is an even spread between Atheists and Christians, so apparently religion neither attracts nor repels me particularly.
There were three with glasses, but again this is no new insight for me. I know I have a bit of a thing for nerds and for glasses.
So, purely on the data at hand, it seems my ideal mate:
Romantic attraction is still a mystery, even after this highly scientific case study. Well that was a waste of time. Ah well. I finished exams today, it's not like I have anything else I need to do. A whole month totally free now! I celebrated by making wands.
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Primary School (Year 4-7): Good at everything. Very popular. Self-assured and kind of mean. Truly delightful when not trying to impress friends. Brunette. Atheist. Undisputedly good-looking
Year 9: Total drop-kick. No ambition or concentration. Little intelligence. Not very good looking either. Looked a little like a toad. Very mildly bad-boy. Told very bad jokes and was in general a distracting person. Atheist. Sandy Brown hair.
Year 10: Christian. Particularly into marriage. Moody, serious. Not big on communication. Very good dresser. Glasses. Blonde. Very sweet, very gentlemanly but with potential for great tactlessness.
Year 11: Incredibly Smart. Nerdy. Glasses. Brunette. Heavy thinker. Not incredibly perceptive but really, really kind. Christian.
Year 12: Sandy Blonde. Funny, great sense of humour. Very committed Christian. Amazing singing voice, calming presence. Sweet but VERY stubborn. Glasses.
Currently: Atheist. Blonde. European descent (read: REALLY good-looking). Fearless, friendly, sexy. Juvenile and kind of a people-pleaser.
The only pattern so far is there were more blondes. Great. I have a blonde fetish. Not helpful because I already knew that. I'll have to think deeper.
I notice that, apart from year 9, they all have really big, bold personalities. And, this time excepting Year 12 all were very sure of themselves to cover up for deep insecurities. So maybe I have a 'saving-people thing' like Harry Potter. Of course deep insecurities covers pretty much anyone in High School so there's not much of an insight there. There is an even spread between Atheists and Christians, so apparently religion neither attracts nor repels me particularly.
There were three with glasses, but again this is no new insight for me. I know I have a bit of a thing for nerds and for glasses.
So, purely on the data at hand, it seems my ideal mate:
- Is a blonde
- Is a bit nerdy
- Is Either Atheist or Christian.
- Is very open and has a bold personality
- Has some serious insecurities.
- Wears glasses
Romantic attraction is still a mystery, even after this highly scientific case study. Well that was a waste of time. Ah well. I finished exams today, it's not like I have anything else I need to do. A whole month totally free now! I celebrated by making wands.
My Polygamist sims family has four children now, all toddler or baby, with another one on the way. It has been helpful having three parents with that many children. I'll have to post about them soon, because quite frankly they are one of my best ever Sims families.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Parasocial relating v Real experiences: Round Two
Just a follow up from my last post: I got over it. It wasn't easy, but I did. So now I just feel normal again and I prefer it.
Thinking back to a post I posted in February (here), I think this is another point on the side of parasocial relating in the parasocial relating v real experiences debate. I would much rather have a hopeless crush on a make-believe character then a real person. I never expect to actually be with a make-believe person, so it doesn't hurt when I can't. You can also switch off feelings for characters much more easily. Less mess, less fuss, more ability to forget about it and do homework for an hour.
Three weeks until my first Law School Exams. Yay. Five weeks until the last Harry Potter movie. Yay!
Thinking back to a post I posted in February (here), I think this is another point on the side of parasocial relating in the parasocial relating v real experiences debate. I would much rather have a hopeless crush on a make-believe character then a real person. I never expect to actually be with a make-believe person, so it doesn't hurt when I can't. You can also switch off feelings for characters much more easily. Less mess, less fuss, more ability to forget about it and do homework for an hour.
Three weeks until my first Law School Exams. Yay. Five weeks until the last Harry Potter movie. Yay!
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