Not Doing Homework

No topic. Just me trying not to do my Legal Writing Assignment. And succeeding!

I'm so sick of emotions, frankly. They rule my life and I can't rule them back. People say you can but I don't believe it. I'm sure if I really could turn off feelings I would've figured out how by now, out of desperation. But I can't. They just come out of nowhere and complicate my life. And yet they are life. They make up our lives. What's that about?

At the moment I am stunned by the kind of life I get to lead and who I get to be. I used to be a nerdy little plain thing in a private school uniform with two long plaits and a huge vocabulary. I kept the vocabulary (and it comes in handy at Law School) but otherwise I dress so differently, my hair is different, the type of people I spend my days with is completely different (people at Law School are in general a little pretentious). I look at myself in the mirror sometimes and think:
"What's with the jumped up little high school nerd who thinks she can be a hot law student all of a sudden. What's her problem?"

It's just this thought that niggles at me. "Is this really my life? Do I seriously get to be this person?" It sounds odd because I'm complaining that my life is too good, and that's absurd. I'm aware of this. But yet it just niggles at me.

Of course the old me would've said something like "But that's what you look like, not who you are." And she's right. I am absolutely no different from the be-plaited little nerd. The transplantedness I feel is from missing all the other trappings of High School; my friends, my classrooms, the theatre and trees and teachers. There is zero similarity between last year and this year. No continuity whatsoever and I've never dealt with that before. That's why I feel like a totally different person, trying to fit a life that's not mine.

Wow. How come whenever I have an issue I can mull it for weeks but as soon as I blog it it just becomes clear? Remind me to blog about my Uni Bestie and my complicated and hopeless feelings for misc. person or persons I can't have and don't really want when it comes right down to it.

But mostly I am very happy. I love what I'm learning, the law is awesomely cool. I have made some great friends, most of whom are not single, but that's a whole other post.

And on an ironic note, I have just this very hour developed a little crush on someone. Normal? Hardly. I developed a little crush on someone over facebook! I mean WTF? How does that even happen? I got facebook a week ago and it's already become another outlet for my pathetic romanticness. I sicken myself by how fluttery and excited I feel right now about someone I wouldn't have spared a thought for before they friended me on bloody facebook. I'm sure it'll go away...it doesn't feel serious. And anyways they're taken. Love triumphs over me once again.