Life gets a bit depressing when even my dreams stray into parasocial-relating territory. I'm not talking about dreaming of hanging out with Buffy. I love those dreams. I had a dream about a real person that was so realistic it could have been real, except it wasn't. Does that make sense?
It was a beautiful day, in my dream. I could feel the warm sun on my face, see the blue sky arching over me and the rather impressive buildings that surround my law school. Normally in my dreams places are altered so that even in the dream you kind of know that it's not real. Not this one. Just this once my mind recreated my everyday surroundings immaculately. I had finished my lecture and was whiling away some time in the mall. I ran into my current romantic interest, my THAT person from posts gone by. Lets call them Tayler for shorthand. So Tayler and I met in the mall and the unusual thing about this dream was it in no way went the route of wishful thinking. It was completely realistic to my real interactions with Tayler.
This meant that instead of remarkably quickly declaring undying love for each other, we chatted. We went to a cafe that actually exists in real life and we talked. I felt just like I do when I'm with Tayler in real life. In the end it did go into a little bit of wishful thinking. The conversation turned to relationships and the conversation got a bit flirty and involved some prolonged-eye-contact moments. But it was so believable.
In Inception, Cobb warns Ellen Page's character to never make dream worlds out of places you actually know, because you might not be able to tell what's real anymore. He was very, very right.
When I woke up, it didn't feel like: "That was a nice dream but yeah, right, like that's ever going to really happen." It wasn't even: "Wow, how realistic was that."
It was massive happiness for a short-but-definetely-awake period, that my dreams had come true. And then this odd feeling that something didn't feel right, that I hadn't even been in the city yesterday. 'When was that again?' I thought. 'It couldn't have been a dream. It wasn't...oh my god it was a dream.' It was like a kick in the stomach. I had to remember that Tayler is seeing someone and that it is highly improbable that my feelings will ever be returned.
So in the end it was just hyper-wish-fulfillment. I guess I want this so badly I couldn't even dream it in any way that would seem like it couldn't happen.
Or maybe I was being Incepted. Maybe Leonardo Dicaprio and Ellen Page put electrodes on my head and while my dream self was flirting over coffee with Tayler they implanted an idea so deep in my mind that right now it is growing, shaping my future, and I don't even know that I didn't think of it.
I prefer the second explanation. At least it involves Ellen Page. Who doesn't love Ellen Page?
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Case Study: High School Crushes
Okay, here's the big question. I want to know why in all hell I fall for the people I do. What is the connection, what is the appeal? So here it is: a profile of the major people I've had romantic feelings for, organised by which Year level I was in. Let's case study and try to work out the whys of it.
Primary School (Year 4-7): Good at everything. Very popular. Self-assured and kind of mean. Truly delightful when not trying to impress friends. Brunette. Atheist. Undisputedly good-looking
Year 9: Total drop-kick. No ambition or concentration. Little intelligence. Not very good looking either. Looked a little like a toad. Very mildly bad-boy. Told very bad jokes and was in general a distracting person. Atheist. Sandy Brown hair.
Year 10: Christian. Particularly into marriage. Moody, serious. Not big on communication. Very good dresser. Glasses. Blonde. Very sweet, very gentlemanly but with potential for great tactlessness.
Year 11: Incredibly Smart. Nerdy. Glasses. Brunette. Heavy thinker. Not incredibly perceptive but really, really kind. Christian.
Year 12: Sandy Blonde. Funny, great sense of humour. Very committed Christian. Amazing singing voice, calming presence. Sweet but VERY stubborn. Glasses.
Currently: Atheist. Blonde. European descent (read: REALLY good-looking). Fearless, friendly, sexy. Juvenile and kind of a people-pleaser.
The only pattern so far is there were more blondes. Great. I have a blonde fetish. Not helpful because I already knew that. I'll have to think deeper.
I notice that, apart from year 9, they all have really big, bold personalities. And, this time excepting Year 12 all were very sure of themselves to cover up for deep insecurities. So maybe I have a 'saving-people thing' like Harry Potter. Of course deep insecurities covers pretty much anyone in High School so there's not much of an insight there. There is an even spread between Atheists and Christians, so apparently religion neither attracts nor repels me particularly.
There were three with glasses, but again this is no new insight for me. I know I have a bit of a thing for nerds and for glasses.
So, purely on the data at hand, it seems my ideal mate:
Romantic attraction is still a mystery, even after this highly scientific case study. Well that was a waste of time. Ah well. I finished exams today, it's not like I have anything else I need to do. A whole month totally free now! I celebrated by making wands.
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Primary School (Year 4-7): Good at everything. Very popular. Self-assured and kind of mean. Truly delightful when not trying to impress friends. Brunette. Atheist. Undisputedly good-looking
Year 9: Total drop-kick. No ambition or concentration. Little intelligence. Not very good looking either. Looked a little like a toad. Very mildly bad-boy. Told very bad jokes and was in general a distracting person. Atheist. Sandy Brown hair.
Year 10: Christian. Particularly into marriage. Moody, serious. Not big on communication. Very good dresser. Glasses. Blonde. Very sweet, very gentlemanly but with potential for great tactlessness.
Year 11: Incredibly Smart. Nerdy. Glasses. Brunette. Heavy thinker. Not incredibly perceptive but really, really kind. Christian.
Year 12: Sandy Blonde. Funny, great sense of humour. Very committed Christian. Amazing singing voice, calming presence. Sweet but VERY stubborn. Glasses.
Currently: Atheist. Blonde. European descent (read: REALLY good-looking). Fearless, friendly, sexy. Juvenile and kind of a people-pleaser.
The only pattern so far is there were more blondes. Great. I have a blonde fetish. Not helpful because I already knew that. I'll have to think deeper.
I notice that, apart from year 9, they all have really big, bold personalities. And, this time excepting Year 12 all were very sure of themselves to cover up for deep insecurities. So maybe I have a 'saving-people thing' like Harry Potter. Of course deep insecurities covers pretty much anyone in High School so there's not much of an insight there. There is an even spread between Atheists and Christians, so apparently religion neither attracts nor repels me particularly.
There were three with glasses, but again this is no new insight for me. I know I have a bit of a thing for nerds and for glasses.
So, purely on the data at hand, it seems my ideal mate:
- Is a blonde
- Is a bit nerdy
- Is Either Atheist or Christian.
- Is very open and has a bold personality
- Has some serious insecurities.
- Wears glasses
Romantic attraction is still a mystery, even after this highly scientific case study. Well that was a waste of time. Ah well. I finished exams today, it's not like I have anything else I need to do. A whole month totally free now! I celebrated by making wands.
My Polygamist sims family has four children now, all toddler or baby, with another one on the way. It has been helpful having three parents with that many children. I'll have to post about them soon, because quite frankly they are one of my best ever Sims families.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Parasocial relating v Real experiences: Round Two
Just a follow up from my last post: I got over it. It wasn't easy, but I did. So now I just feel normal again and I prefer it.
Thinking back to a post I posted in February (here), I think this is another point on the side of parasocial relating in the parasocial relating v real experiences debate. I would much rather have a hopeless crush on a make-believe character then a real person. I never expect to actually be with a make-believe person, so it doesn't hurt when I can't. You can also switch off feelings for characters much more easily. Less mess, less fuss, more ability to forget about it and do homework for an hour.
Three weeks until my first Law School Exams. Yay. Five weeks until the last Harry Potter movie. Yay!
Thinking back to a post I posted in February (here), I think this is another point on the side of parasocial relating in the parasocial relating v real experiences debate. I would much rather have a hopeless crush on a make-believe character then a real person. I never expect to actually be with a make-believe person, so it doesn't hurt when I can't. You can also switch off feelings for characters much more easily. Less mess, less fuss, more ability to forget about it and do homework for an hour.
Three weeks until my first Law School Exams. Yay. Five weeks until the last Harry Potter movie. Yay!
Friday, May 27, 2011
Willow Rosenberg's Plea
I want to expand on the issue mentioned at the end of my post about Facebook stalking. Because it is making me crazy.
In the Buffy episode 'The Body', Willow queries "Why can't I just dress like a grown-up? Can't I be a grown-up?" This resonates with me today. Not the dressing part, my wardrobe has few issues. But in terms of acting like a grown-up, I'm all at sea. Suddenly I'm supposed to be an adult and it occurred to me that it's not something that just comes naturally once you turn eighteen. Nobody mentioned that. I just thought that I'd be good at it once I was one, but this is not the case.
Today I feel like my fifteen year old self, all giddy and excited over a new THAT person. I haven't had a regular heartbeat all day. I feel breathless and excited and heady. I don't know why I'm so surprised I feel like this, but I really did think that it would be an exclusively High School feeling. In hindsight, this was a silly presumption. If one can be pathetic at seventeen, one can be pathetic at eighteen. And yet it's come as a surprise.
I have to keep reminding myself that I'm not a silly young girl anymore to stop myself sinking into silly teenage habits. Like Mr. Darcy in the BBC adaption I'm saying: "I shall conquer this! I shall!"
It's just that I can't will my heart to resume a regular beating pattern, that one just comes naturally. And I can't make my brain stop swimming in hormones. So how does one conquer this? It's just as irrepressible as when I was fifteen, except then everyone felt it and talked about it constantly, and now it's just me saying firmly "get over it right now, Belle!"
Can't I just be a grown-up?
In the Buffy episode 'The Body', Willow queries "Why can't I just dress like a grown-up? Can't I be a grown-up?" This resonates with me today. Not the dressing part, my wardrobe has few issues. But in terms of acting like a grown-up, I'm all at sea. Suddenly I'm supposed to be an adult and it occurred to me that it's not something that just comes naturally once you turn eighteen. Nobody mentioned that. I just thought that I'd be good at it once I was one, but this is not the case.
Today I feel like my fifteen year old self, all giddy and excited over a new THAT person. I haven't had a regular heartbeat all day. I feel breathless and excited and heady. I don't know why I'm so surprised I feel like this, but I really did think that it would be an exclusively High School feeling. In hindsight, this was a silly presumption. If one can be pathetic at seventeen, one can be pathetic at eighteen. And yet it's come as a surprise.
I have to keep reminding myself that I'm not a silly young girl anymore to stop myself sinking into silly teenage habits. Like Mr. Darcy in the BBC adaption I'm saying: "I shall conquer this! I shall!"
It's just that I can't will my heart to resume a regular beating pattern, that one just comes naturally. And I can't make my brain stop swimming in hormones. So how does one conquer this? It's just as irrepressible as when I was fifteen, except then everyone felt it and talked about it constantly, and now it's just me saying firmly "get over it right now, Belle!"
Can't I just be a grown-up?
The Ins and Outs of Facebook Stalking
I have been working on a post concerning how awesome Chloe Sullivan from Smallville is, but as I love her with a dedication that is disturbing to those unused to parasocial relating, I haven't been able to write something that both adequately conveys how important she is to me and doesn't sound like I'm a really, really disturbed person.
So while the perfect ode to Chloe eludes me, I can still say a word or two about Facebook stalking. Because I'm guilty of it. ALOT.
I've actually only had Facebook for a few months. But I've discovered that stalking people on Facebook is very close to parasocial relating. Just for clarity, my definition of Facebook stalking is checking their Wall regularly as opposed to intermittently and exploring their photo albums quite throughly.
People put their lives on their facebook pages. By looking at their pictures you can be dropped into the middle of a party, wedding or ordinary day of their life. I don't know about anyone else, but for me it's actually a little creepy when I pull back and think about it. I have access to the lives of people I would otherewise only see one side of. In the Social Network, the Sean Parker says "We lived on farms, then we lived in cities, and now we're going to live on the internet!" And by golly that was correct. I can find out quite a lot about someone without even asking. It's not a bad thing, but it is a jolt in one's way of life. No one needs to ask me what kind of music I like because they can just look on my Facebook page.
Whatever happened to talking? I sound like a Grandma, but that doesn't invalidate my point. I will meet someone in a lecture or the like, and we get along, so they look me up on Facebook. And I check their page once we're Facebook-friends. I can learn about them before I even see them again. I am, in affect, relating parasocially with the version of themselves they put on Facebook.
So that's what I've been thinking about lately. I'm not giving up Facebook though, it's far too useful. In other news I have gotten stuck in the can't-stop-thinking-about-them stage of liking someone and it's really annoying me. I let myself do this kind of thing in High School because it's the National Pastime of High School but now I am an adult and I should not have to deal with this!!! My patheticness knows no bounds but that's not news to me. If anyone ever comes up with a cure for hopeless romanticism they're going to be a BILLIONAIRE.
So while the perfect ode to Chloe eludes me, I can still say a word or two about Facebook stalking. Because I'm guilty of it. ALOT.
I've actually only had Facebook for a few months. But I've discovered that stalking people on Facebook is very close to parasocial relating. Just for clarity, my definition of Facebook stalking is checking their Wall regularly as opposed to intermittently and exploring their photo albums quite throughly.
People put their lives on their facebook pages. By looking at their pictures you can be dropped into the middle of a party, wedding or ordinary day of their life. I don't know about anyone else, but for me it's actually a little creepy when I pull back and think about it. I have access to the lives of people I would otherewise only see one side of. In the Social Network, the Sean Parker says "We lived on farms, then we lived in cities, and now we're going to live on the internet!" And by golly that was correct. I can find out quite a lot about someone without even asking. It's not a bad thing, but it is a jolt in one's way of life. No one needs to ask me what kind of music I like because they can just look on my Facebook page.
Whatever happened to talking? I sound like a Grandma, but that doesn't invalidate my point. I will meet someone in a lecture or the like, and we get along, so they look me up on Facebook. And I check their page once we're Facebook-friends. I can learn about them before I even see them again. I am, in affect, relating parasocially with the version of themselves they put on Facebook.
So that's what I've been thinking about lately. I'm not giving up Facebook though, it's far too useful. In other news I have gotten stuck in the can't-stop-thinking-about-them stage of liking someone and it's really annoying me. I let myself do this kind of thing in High School because it's the National Pastime of High School but now I am an adult and I should not have to deal with this!!! My patheticness knows no bounds but that's not news to me. If anyone ever comes up with a cure for hopeless romanticism they're going to be a BILLIONAIRE.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Polygamy: Sims Style!
I watch Sister Wives, that show about the Fundamentalist Mormon man with four wives and sixteen children. I absolutely love it, I think the women are smart, sassy and fun and the kids are adorable. I think anyone would be lucky to have just one of those women, and he's got all of them. Luckiest guy on the planet! Of course, at times I felt desperately sorry for them. Watching the ups and downs of the Sister Wives really made me think about:
a) Whether polygamy is really the moral and social evil that people think. I know it often has an ugly side but done right, as the Browns do it, it doesn't look so bad when everyone's consenting.
b) What would polygamy really be like/feel like/look like?
But, I've discovered, not as fun as polygamy. I'd like you to meet my little virtual people.
I could go on for days about my sims, and there will be more instalments about this family, but for now I'll jump straight to: What My Sims Taught Me About Polygamy (some of these are no-brainers but they were reinforced by my Sims)
a) Whether polygamy is really the moral and social evil that people think. I know it often has an ugly side but done right, as the Browns do it, it doesn't look so bad when everyone's consenting.
b) What would polygamy really be like/feel like/look like?
So what does someone like me do in this situation? Why play it out on the Sims 3, naturally, Watson! In my Legacy family (family in which you try to reach 10 generations) I have my very first Polygamist family. Just four generations after I had my first same-sex couple on Sims, which was heaps of fun.
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| This is Esther De Le Morte, Fourth Generation Heir |
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| This is her marrying Edgar Jawa |
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| And THIS is her marrying Tucker Granger at the Courthouse |
How did I get one sim woman to marry two sim men? Surely the game doesn't allow that? It doesn't, and I didn't. Tucker and Esther, that was a legal, bona fide sims wedding. Edgar and Esther just threw a party, held hands and kissed and then I put wedding rings with all their outfits. But if you think about it, that's exactly what polygamists do anyway. Only one wife is legally married to the guy and the rest consider themselves married on their terms. Certificate aside, for all intents and purposes, they are married. And such it is with Tucker, Edgar and Esther. They think they both married her, I think they both married her and none of us care much that the game thinks Edgar is merely a 'romantic interest.'
I bought each of them the 'no jealousy' lifetime reward so that one Hubby can walk in on Esther making out with the other and not bat an eyelid. Then I let the mayhem begin.
They live in a symmetrical house, built around a central courtyard/graveyard. Each husband has his own lounge, dining, bed and bathroom. At the front is Esther's personal space for painting, reading, dressing etc. She has no bed as she switches between her husbands' beds. At the back is a large shared kitchen. The top story has bedrooms for all of the eventual children.
1)That the discrimination must be really hurtful and frustrating. Rumours float around my sims town ad nauseum that "Esther De Le Morte has been found cheating!" She spends half her time at the courthouse suing for slander. It makes them all very unhappy, because she isn't cheating. It must be frustrating to have people labelling your relationship something it isn't.
2) That it can be difficult to tell which husbands' the father of your latest baby. This would only be a problem for polyandry (one woman, multiple men)
3)That your two husbands can be BFFs
4) That it's really nice to go out to dinner with one husband and know that the other is home taking care of your babies.
5)That it's not so nice when your wife forgets that she slept in the other husband's bed last night and she misses your night.
So there you have it. Non-traditional family model exploration is a hoot and a half. To sims players out there, I thoroughly recommend you try a polygamist family. Don't believe me? Look how chuffed they all look!
Friday, May 13, 2011
Princess Belle, Attorney-at-Law
I haven't even mentioned the Royal Wedding on my Blog yet. How lax! How sad!
Naturally I watched it. I watched it for nearly seven hours. I'm in general a republican (not in an American politics way, I just favour the Republic model over Monarchy) but in the case of weddings, and I'm guessing Coronations, I don't care. Those Royals can put on a show! I LOVE weddings. I'm barely old enough to get married and I already read wedding blogs religiously and have a folder full of wedding pictures on my desktop that I sometimes watch as montage while listening to the Glee version of 'Marry You.'
Anyway, this is what I thought about during the wedding: Would I really want to be a Princess? My initial reaction was "Well, yeah! Why the hell wouldn't you?"
But as I watched Kate Middleton's wedding, it struck me as kind of over-churchy. I'm all for traditional services if that's what the couple wants, but this one was just extra-impersonal. So out-of-touch with showing who the couple is and how their love grew. If I was Kate Middleton at that moment, I would be thinking: "Jeez! We've prayed three times now! Can't we mention me already?"
In a word: it was Royal. In a sense it did reflect the couple because they are a Royal couple and no matter what, that's really all they'll ever be defined as. I'm not feeling sorry for them, but I can see that being only 'Princess' and all the hoopla and public engagement that go with it isn't for everyone. I realised as I watched that I wouldn't want the 'me' me to melt away under public scrutiny and court protocol. I love the 'me' me. I can do whatever I want as a career and be who I want in the meantime. But if I was a Princess, to a certain extent, 'Princess' would be my job, my identity, my everything.
So maybe my childhood dreams of marrying a Prince really have gone. I remember the message of one of my favourite children's books, A Little Princess. Every girl is a Princess inside, you can be a Princess if you believe it and act like one, no matter how much money you have or if you have a crown or kingdom or anything. I'm not explaining this very well, just read the book, it's by Francis Hodgson Burnett.
So, bottom line. I don't want to be a Princess. I'm going to get a Law Degree, and get my licence to practice law, and I'm going to always believe that I AM a Princess inside, just like Sara in A Little Princess.
I'll be Princess Belle, Attorney-at-Law.
Which has a rather nice ring, don't you think?
Picture originally created by John Pannell, used with a Creative Commons license
Beautiful, wasn't it?
Naturally I watched it. I watched it for nearly seven hours. I'm in general a republican (not in an American politics way, I just favour the Republic model over Monarchy) but in the case of weddings, and I'm guessing Coronations, I don't care. Those Royals can put on a show! I LOVE weddings. I'm barely old enough to get married and I already read wedding blogs religiously and have a folder full of wedding pictures on my desktop that I sometimes watch as montage while listening to the Glee version of 'Marry You.'
Anyway, this is what I thought about during the wedding: Would I really want to be a Princess? My initial reaction was "Well, yeah! Why the hell wouldn't you?"
But as I watched Kate Middleton's wedding, it struck me as kind of over-churchy. I'm all for traditional services if that's what the couple wants, but this one was just extra-impersonal. So out-of-touch with showing who the couple is and how their love grew. If I was Kate Middleton at that moment, I would be thinking: "Jeez! We've prayed three times now! Can't we mention me already?"
In a word: it was Royal. In a sense it did reflect the couple because they are a Royal couple and no matter what, that's really all they'll ever be defined as. I'm not feeling sorry for them, but I can see that being only 'Princess' and all the hoopla and public engagement that go with it isn't for everyone. I realised as I watched that I wouldn't want the 'me' me to melt away under public scrutiny and court protocol. I love the 'me' me. I can do whatever I want as a career and be who I want in the meantime. But if I was a Princess, to a certain extent, 'Princess' would be my job, my identity, my everything.
So maybe my childhood dreams of marrying a Prince really have gone. I remember the message of one of my favourite children's books, A Little Princess. Every girl is a Princess inside, you can be a Princess if you believe it and act like one, no matter how much money you have or if you have a crown or kingdom or anything. I'm not explaining this very well, just read the book, it's by Francis Hodgson Burnett.
So, bottom line. I don't want to be a Princess. I'm going to get a Law Degree, and get my licence to practice law, and I'm going to always believe that I AM a Princess inside, just like Sara in A Little Princess.
I'll be Princess Belle, Attorney-at-Law.
Which has a rather nice ring, don't you think?
Picture originally created by John Pannell, used with a Creative Commons license
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